Charlottesville Council Retreat – Leader guide 2018 Time/Leader Activity Description 09:00am - 09:10am Introduction and Rules  Focus on Strengths (Micah and Beth)  No Put downs  Take Risks  Take care of yourself  Be respectful Overall Objectives of the  To achieve balance and harmony within Retreat the council system  To differentiate and elevate individual council members so that they can be effective leaders  To work toward respecting one another as leaders and effective decision- makers  To recognize the talents on the council and their non-extreme intentions 09:10am - 09:15am Ice Breaker  The group gets 15 minutes and they (Beth) must find 10 things they all have in common that do not have to do with their work on the council. 09:15am - 09:30am Movie Clip (Beth) 09:30am - 10:00am Tortoise, Hare or Handout Page 97-98 (100 Training games) (Beth) Thoroughbred 10:00am - 10:30am Perspectives Handout Page 85-86 (100 Training (Beth) games) Witch and the Old Lady 10:30am - 10:45am Dot Exercise 1 (Handout 1) (Micah) Dot Exercise 2 (Handout 2) Dot Exercise 3 (Handout 3) 10:45am - 11:00am • Carefronting by Augsburger Carefronting (Micah) • Check Your motives • Combine love and caring with confrontation • Caringly confront • Correct in love, respect, and honor Practice!!!!!! • Crucial Conversation Definition: (Micah) • They are conversations about tough issues • What is a Crucial • Conversations that are high stakes, conversation? And how is were opinions vary and emotions run this skill related to your high. situation! • Conversations that could lead to disaster 1 Charlottesville Council Retreat – Leader guide 2018 • Seven Dialogue Principles: Seven dialogue principles (p. 186-192): 1. Start with the heart, 2. Learn to look, 3. Make it safe, 4. Master my stories, 5. State my path, 6. Explore others’ paths, and 7. Move to action. 11:00am – 11:15am Break • 11:15am - 11:45am Reconciliation (Worthington) • Decide to Do the Right Thing (Beth) • Discuss the issues and the Offenses • Detoxify: The legacy of Oppression • Devotion to reconciliation 11:45am - 12:15pm My Worries Handout (page 128; 100 Training Games) (Beth) 12:15pm - 01:15pm Lunch 01:15pm - 01:45pm Transactional Triangle (Micah) What is your nemesis position? Which is your fail safe position? 01:45pm - 02:45pm Healing Personality GENERAL GROUPS OF PARTS (Micah) EXILES (Victims) GENERAL GROUPS OF PARTS  Young parts that have experienced trauma and often become isolated from the rest of the system in an effort to protect the individual from feeling the pain, terror, fear, and so on, of these parts  If exiled, can become increasingly extreme and desperate in an effort to be cared for and tell their story  Can leave the individual feeling fragile and vulnerable MANAGERS (Persecutors)  Parts that run the day-to-day life of the individual  Attempt to keep the individual in control of every situation and 2 Charlottesville Council Retreat – Leader guide 2018 relationship in an effort to protect parts from feeling any hurt or rejection  Can do this in any number of ways or through a combination of parts -- striving, controlling, evaluating, caretaking, terrorizing, and so on. FIREFIGHTERS (Prosecutors)  Group of parts that react when exiles are activated in an effort to control and extinguish their feelings  Can do this in any number of ways, including drug or alcohol use, self- mutilation (cutting), binge-eating, sex binges  Have the same goals as managers (to keep exiles away) but different strategies Enactments Exercise: Enactments among council  Set up enactments  Set up enactments of sequences/relationship among parts of individual council members. Work with one council member while others watch.  Establish safety: Council members not to analyze parts outside of session  Contract not to talk about others' parts; can talk about own parts  No matter what others are doing, individual always responsible for own parts  Ask for reactions of others who are watching.  Try to alternate among council members. 02:45pm - 03:15pm Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead Ten Get-In-The Way Behavior: (Beth) (pp. 7-8). 1. Avoiding tough conversations 2. Spending an unreasonable amount of Ten Get-In-The Way Behaviors time managing problematic behaviors 3. Diminished trust from disconnection and no empathy 4. No taking smart risk, sharing bold ideas 5. Stuck and defined by setbacks, disappointments, and failures 3 Charlottesville Council Retreat – Leader guide 2018 6. Too Much shame and blame. 7. Choosing Comfort over hard diversity and inclusivity conversations, is the epitome of privilege and corrodes trust 8. Failing to stay with problem- identification and problem-solving when things go wrong 9. Organizational values are defined as aspirational rather than actual behaviors 10. Being held captive 03:15pm - 03:30pm Break 03:30pm - 04:30pm Team Task Handout 5 (Pages 69-70) (Beth) 04:30pm - 05:00pm It’s Not the How or the What  Keep a relentless focus on talent (Micah and Beth) but The Who  The key to outstanding performance Claudio Fernandez-Arao and fulfillment – in both work and life – is the ability to surround oneself with Focus on Recruitment and outstanding people. Retention of Talent  In order to succeed, it’s not the how or the what but the who. Claudio Fernandez-Araoz 05:00pm Adjournment 4